fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
