...so i touched it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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