I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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