I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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