Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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