Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
