Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
