I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
