Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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