You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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