Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
