So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
