sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
