I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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