I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
