Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
