I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
