I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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