I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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