His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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