you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
