he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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