You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
