um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
