Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We are two peas in an std pod
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
