Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
