and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
