hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
