Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
