Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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