I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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