I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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