omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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