I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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