Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
