I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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