at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
