Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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