woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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