People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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