I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
