ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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