i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
