I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
