M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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