hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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