a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
