Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
