My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
