Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
