And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
