I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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