if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
