Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
