In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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