And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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