i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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