Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
