Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could fuck to npr.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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