I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
