I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
