never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
