Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
