all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
