I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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