You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I lost the right to judge tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
