DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
