history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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