It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
