I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
