Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
