Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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