the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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