Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
