It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dick has a subreddit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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