I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
