I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Your mouth is God's brothel.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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