So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
