He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
