Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
