I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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