the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
