I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
