Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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