There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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