I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
