Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
