when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
