kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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