Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to make out with him forever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
