She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
