Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
