"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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